Making My Own Sunshine

We are at the beach!!

I'll do a full post about today later, but i just had to share a little about today.  It is just comical.

Last night I was talking to a friend while I was packing and she said, "Have fun, I hope you have good weather."  I replied,

"If not, we'll make our own sunshine."

I really felt like I was so happy and excited that a little rain wouldn't harm my mood or spoil my fun.

All throughout today, that sentence has come back to haunt me and I'm having to really try to do it! (I have had moments where I haven't succeeded!)

This morning I was busily packing and trying to get out of the house by 11 so that we could be at Dan's work (which is half way to our beach destination) by noon.  I was rushing and distracted by the kids (who were being SO cute with this little superhero game they had made up), and in general, just not as organized as usual.  (Just wanted to add for my own memory ~ the kids were so cute and SO excited for the beach this morning that they had packed a bag of "necessities" before I was even out of my room.  Kaitlin and Andrew had filled a bag full of their favorite stuffed animals, blankies and around 5 pairs of Kaitlin's pajamas). :)

I finally got the car loaded up and was maybe 20 minutes behind schedule.

Not bad.

Triumphantly, I got in the van and there was a funny ding and my dashboard said to check the back right tire pressure.

Great.

A quick call to Dan confirmed, better safe than sorry.  So I went to Les Schwab who broke the news that it would be 45 minutes...(turned out to be a leaking valve stem so it was good that we went) we sat down and within minutes, or seconds, I became ringmaster of a three ring circus.  Matthew was grumpy and Andrew was bouncing off the walls.  Kaitlin was completely following suit and I got her to sit down, but Andrew was having a rough day.  Just all over the place and no impulse control at all.  It was bad.  Finally, about 30 minutes into it a sweet lady arrived and after listening to a stern lecture from me she got up and next thing I know she had searched out a remote control for the tv and turned it to the Disney channel.  I told her that she was my angel.  God bless her.

So we finally got on the road, picked up Dan and we were off.  We got to the hotel and I went to unpack and realized I left Kaitlin's bag at home.  Her clothes for the family photo I had planned...her sandals...her bows for her hair (gasp! Not that!!!) :)  Thankfully, I put some things in with the boys' bag and she has PJs and a swimsuit and literally two outfits ~ enough to squeak through the weekend but she can't get wet at all or we have nothing to change into (which I'm not sure how that's going to go as with one trip down to the beach she was a sandy, wet mess).  

Dan was so sweet and actually offered to drive home after the kids were in bed and get Kaitlin's things.   He knows how I love to do these photos at the beach.  It was such a sweet offer, but I couldn't let him do that...we'll still have fun pictures.  Just less high maintenance.   (Perhaps an opportunity for growth on my part?) :)

Since then, we've discovered that we forgot:

The kids toiletries (toothbrushes, no tears shampoo, etc)
The handle to Dan's razor
Matthew's underwear.  :(
Dan's glasses
My other sandals
My pajama top

Ugh!

Then we went to dinner and my dinner (which wasn't very good) was delivered cold, and we sent it back to be warmed up...which isn't normally a big deal but just funny in light of our day.

Then we were driving back from the hotel from dinner and had brought a cup full of leftover rootbeer (it was home made and sooo good) and the whole thing spilled in the van.

And mixed in between all of this has been managing Andrew today who's little body is just in overdrive.  (I'm wondering if it's the excitement of the day that made it so hard for him?)

So, here we are now.
Nearly 9:30.
The kids are bathed.
They've been read to.
And all is quiet from their room.
Dan secretly bought salted chocolate caramels from the candy store for me while we were down town.
We have a fire and the ocean roaring outside our sliding door.

So, we won't do a coordinated family photo.
Kaitlin won't have a matching bow in her hair.  
We'll improvise here and there.
It doesn't really matter.

We're at the beach.  The glorious, beautiful beach.
And we're together.
That's what counts.
There are sandcastles to build and waves to run from, and salt water taffy to eat.

So this weekend, I'm making my own sunshine....we'll see what surprises tomorrow brings!!  :)

A Quick Check In/The Ugly Truth

I just wrote a post and then deleted it because I hate listening to myself complain.  I just hate it.  It feels great to vent and then I don't like myself any more because of it.  Usually I like myself less and feel guilty and ungrateful.  So I'm resolving to not complain.  At least for now.

I just wanted to quickly check in to say that we're still here....life is just happening like the speed of light these days.  I am continued to be challenged by the combination of our school/activity schedule this year and am anxiously counting down the days until summer.  

I'm quite proud of that last sentence, because I could dissect it into about 159 complaints right now.  I'm having to check my attitude a lot which dissolves into me talking to myself.  Dan actually heard me today and asked if I was alright.  :)  Yes, just a little crazy, that's all.

Our schedule isn't all bad ~ there have been fun moments with friends and as a family too, which are welcome breaks from the routine of life.  ("Routine" sounds so calm compared to the chaos that it feels like).  Speaking of which, I had a moment of personal growth this week.  My house is a wreck.  It's not just a mess, it's in need of a serious clean.   And it's making me nuts.  (In fact, truth be told, I sort of flipped out at the kids about it tonight).  Anyway,  a friend dropped by and even though my house was in disrepair, I invited her in.  I didn't make her stand and chat in my door way, where my mess is safely hidden (though if you look closely at the floors, you could discern what is happening throughout the rest of the house).  Nope, I invited her in to the messy, dirty reality of my world right now.  And guess what?  She's still my friend.  And instead of cleaning, I got to enjoy her company.  I'm working through my pride issues.  :) 

Another fun break in our routine is the fact that our swimsuits are packed for our little get away tomorrow.  I packed the bags this afternoon and then hid them. The kids have no idea we'll be headed out at 10am for Great Wolf Lodge!  They will be over the moon.  Kaitlin keeps asking to go swimming.  Talk about perfect timing.   Personally, I'm excited to sit in the car for 2 hours.

And one lat aside...the kids are so desperate for a pet that they are adopting ants in plastic baggies and are begging for even a "worm."  Matthew has a meal worm at school ~ his
"very own that I get to take care of ~ it's almost like having my very own dog!" He came home and drew a picture of him holding his meal worm.  The Bug and Andrew hang on his every word when he climbs into the van at the end of the day and excitedly tells tales of his worm and what it did. 
"He's so cute, Mama.  He really likes me too, he snuggled my hand." 
"Awww, I wish I could meet him."  (Andrew)
"Me too!"  (Kaitlin).   
The meal worm is going to transform into a beetle and then the kids release them. 

Kaitlin keeps saying, "Is it almost time to get a dog yet?"  Um, judging by the looks of our house....no. 

:)

I'm really hoping to get Easter photos up soon....I'm so behind!

A Little Bit of Everything

This post is going to be a little bit of a combination of "The Ugly Truth"  a little bit of "Life According to My iphone."

My brain isn't capable of a lot right now, so bear with me.  This post is just a sort of an all over the place update.

And my usual disclaimer, anything that might sound like a complaint isn't intended to be.  Truly.  Just the reality of life right now, there certainly isn't any "poor me" feeling behind it.  I don't want any of this read in that way at all.



I always like to start with a cute picture and even though Andrew is doing a bit of a cheeseball face, this fits the bill.  Still can't get over how much they look alike.



Every family should have an Andrew.
He just gets along with everyone and is such a love.
I know if the order of our kids were any different we would not have the harmony that we do.  Not that everything is always peaches & cream.  It most definitely isn't.  But in general, the kids get along great.



At this age, Andrew is definitely the favorite playmate in the family.



Now for a bit of the Ugly Truth.

It's no secret our kids are not great eaters.  (Meaning they don't eat a wide variety of foods).
Matthew & Andrew are improving.
Matthew eats very healthy, happy to have fruit for a snack, etc. but doesn't eat a good variety of food.
Andrew will try most things and eats the best variety but has texture issues & a raging sweet tooth.  (Me too on both accounts).
Then there's the Bug.
I am pretty sure she's retribution for what I put my parents through.  I was a terrible eater and so is she.  I took this photo tonight.



So, remember the photo of the boys laughing at dinner?  Here's the flip side of the coin.

This was after she was moved into the dining room and she sat for 45 minutes refusing to eat a single bite of soup. Dan finally put it in her mouth and that was her reaction.  She will clamp her little mouth shut and refuse to put food into it.  It isn't pretty.

When Matthew was small he was so exhausting, that by the time dinner time rolled around it was not a battle I was willing to fight.  I'd rather work on other things.  Food didn't make the list.  I've seen other babies/toddlers eat what is put in front of them ~ Matthew was my only child that did that until the age of two when he decided not to.  Andrew and Kaitlin, as babies/toddlers would spit the food out, purse their lips together, turn their heads and refuse to eat.  I didn't push it.  One night we forced Matthew to eat chicken.  He threw it up.  We let it go.

We've reached a point where (dare I type this?!) we don't have any major behavioral issues we're working on.  The kids are kids, they have moments and days that are rough, but in general, (for now!) they're pretty good.  Just minor things here and there.  So, we're ready to take on food.

Sigh.

I dread it.  I hate it.  And no, I won't ever be one to make my kids clean their plate...(I often don't finish my own and prefer that learn to listen to their bodies), but they need to get better about this.   I remember what it felt like when I was little to have strong aversions to food and so I'm not ever going to be extreme on this.  It's just not important to me.  Character, yes.  Manners, yes.  Discipline & a respect, yes.  Food?  Not so much.  (Let me clarify here ~ I want my kids to eat a healthy diet, but making a battle out of every meal is not something that is important to me).  That being said, we do need some improvement and I recognize that.  I will say, this makes Dan crazy.  He is not picky at all.  He'll eat anything and doesn't understand this in the least, so it's tough for him.  It's going to be a long road.



We had snow on Tuesday with a 2 hour delay and there was a huge line to get into school so as I was stopped waiting, I snapped this photo and texted it to Dan.  Kaitlin is holding a suitcase with the kids' capes in them.  She's been traveling around with it for days.



We went to get shoes for the kids (cleared by Dan, yes, it fell under "necessary" shopping) :) and a mall security man (upper right) came into the store.  Katie and Andrew hid under the table as they thought he was coming for them.



My evening treat has been Chicago style popcorn. I eat the cheese first, then caramel corn. Dan does it in reverse. That's us.

It's at costco. And that bowl? I bought it at Walmart while in college. I have 4. It's the perfect treat bowl. I've tried to find a replacement, and simply can't.

I've been a bad blogger because I'm tired.  I'm blaming the fact that I'm getting up early to exercise 4-5 days a week and I'm constantly in and out of the house right now.  This is a really hectic year. I will not miss this schedule.  It's also made me really horrible at returning calls & emails.  Please know it isn't personal....I honestly feel guilty frequently because I feel like I'm not a good friend this year and I hate that.

On a positive note, the exercise & change in diet is paying off.  I just found out I've lowered my cholesterol (through diet) and raised my HDL by 20% by exercising.  For the first time since in my 20s it's above 40 (it's 41) which took a cardiovascular risk factor off my profile. My LDL is still slightly elevated, but unless I do something extreme, it will just be what it will be.  A girl's gotta live.  (I'm NOT giving up my evening treat).  I'm pleased with the result and I know my Dad would be really proud.

Between the diet, exercise and my Lenton sacrifice my self control muscle is getting fatigued. But it's been good too.  However, I am really looking forward to Eater. 

Kaitlin is too, and keeps saying that Easter is her favorite holiday and that she can't wait to eat Jelly Beans. 

I feel badly that I don't blog much about Matthew.  He is loved just as much as our other kids!  His birthday is coming up soon though and so I'll enjoy getting to focus on him a bit.  I've said this before, and it's true, it's just that he's in school all day and our life is such a blur of homework, reading, dinner, and tae kwon do or baseball when he gets home.  Or he's playing Legos, reading or having some wii time.  He's doing great apart from  struggling with socializing too much in class.  Hmmmm...who does that sound like?  :) I remember when he was born being afraid I wouldn't be able to relate to a boy....I am a girly girl, but I  have discovered that I love, love, love having boys.  For many reasons.  And while there are things I can't relate to, I've learned that those things aren't really things I have to relate to in order to have a close relationship with my boys.

I am counting down until spring break.  The kids are going to stay at Dan's parent's house for a few days and while I'm going to miss them like crazy, I'm looking forward to the break and am already plotting about how I'm going to spend my time.  Dan is looking forward to it too.  It will be our first time to be in our house overnight without the kids in almost 9 years.  (Matthew's birth).  How crazy is that?  No bedtime stories....no baths....we can hardly fathom it.

I think that's a pretty thorough update.  Not a lot of excitement ~ which is a good thing!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Our Life in Bullet Points.

I'm just too tired & uninspired to compose a post, but I did want to do a little catch up on life right now.

*  I haven't made my other blog private, but will, when I have a chunk of time to do so. 

*  I don't know where to begin...how about with a cute thing Matthew said.  He asked to sit in church with us this last sunday rather than go to sunday school.  He then sat by himself at the end of the pew because he likes to be closer to the pastors.  It was a great message on how to practice faith in a way that glorifies God and not ourselves.  So part of the scripture was (and forgive me, I'm not going to look it up and quote it exactly) but in Matthew where Jesus says when we give, do not let the left hand know what the right hand is doing.  Later that day Matthew said,

"Mama what did Pastor Fitz mean to not let the left hand know what the right hand is doing?  So when I build Legos I need to put my left hand behind my back?"  :)



 *  He is also spending his recess on rainy days playing chess in the "rainy day room" with his friend William.  So Matthew.

*  We are less than half way through the school year and Andrew has succeeded in losing all of his school supplies with the exception of one pencil and two glue sticks.  :)



*  A game of "Zombie" got out of hand on the playground, and 4 little boys ended up in the counselor's office and lost their recess privilege for the next day.  One of our kids may or may not have been involved.



* We signed the boys up for Tae Kwon Do.  While I think this is great for them I am totally dreading it.  It makes the afternoons/evenings hectic....Not my favorite, but I know that it's good for them and they really enjoy it.  Little League will be added to the schedule in the next couple months as well.   And then I'll officially be counting the days until summer.

*  We just ended week 2 of our diet...I've lost just shy of 5 lbs.  If it weren't for our little group I would have thrown in the towel on day 3.  But it's going well, and I've learned some things along the way...some healthier eating options that I'm going to work into our daily routine.  And how to work my "treats" in there too. :)

*  I've been getting up at 5:30 to do the elliptical 3 times a week (working toward 4)...I thought exercise was supposed to give you more energy.  I'm exhausted.  Maybe the "more energy" part comes later?

*  Because I've been getting up earlier, I've been going to bed earlier.  Thus, no blogging.

*  Because I've been going to bed earlier, I have very little free time (me and every other parent out there!)  And please don't read this next part as complaining.  I don't mean to complain, I've said this before, and I truly know how blessed my life is..I've had times in my life when I desperately wanted my life to be mundane and "normal."  I really do know that.  But the truth is, I'm in one of those ruts.  I feel like I'm on a merry go round of making beds, doing laundry, driving kids places, making meals, cleaning up from meals, cleaning toilets, doing homework, grocery shopping, running errands, picking kids up from places, feeling badly about the calls I'm not returning timely, or emails I'm not responding to quickly....a little burned out.  I'm trying to adjust my attitude before Tae Kwon Do starts, um, tomorrow.  Because I know it's just going to get worse....I know in a couple years when the kids are all at the same school & schedules are a little more streamlined it will be easier ~ I will have blocks of kid free time to accomplish things, and I won't be driving around/transitioning kids as much.  But I don't want to wish this time away either....I know I'll feel better when spring rolls around.  I think I feel like this every year around this time.

*  In general, I'm not a reality tv fan.  In fact, I really don't like a lot of it.  But lately my guilty pleasure has been the American Idol auditions.  I love when they say "yes" to the contestants and they go out the door and jump up and down screaming with their families.  How can you not be happy with them?  And then, there are the people who come on and think they can sing, and oh my..... I just want to crawl under the sofa for them!



*  Kaitlin is such a mimic!  She loves to wear our matching aprons, and when I'm getting ready for bed she will have to go wash her face and put on her robe too.  In this photo she was baking brownies with me this past weekend and she asked to pose like this when we took our photo.  I think she got it from the Rockettes because she also keeps putting her hand on her hip and kicking like them & asking me to stand next to her and do it.  She is so funny.  I am seriously going to have to watch what the girl sees on tv.



* The good news is that there are positive things that she mimics as well.  :)  Dan was reading in the living room and she went and got her little chair and book and read along too.  I remember doing this exact same thing with my dad.  I'd even turn the page when he'd turn the page.



*  She went to a birthday party for a friend in our small group this weekend and couldn't wait to go...and was upset when it was time to leave.



It was sweet Audrey's birthday.



My friend Rachel's daughter.  Rachel has become a dear friend...she is one of those very real, down to earth people that you immediately feel comfortable with and feel like you've known forever.  She is like our church's personal welcoming committee...I remember the first time I went to Bible study, I didn't know anyone and she came up to me and said something very welcoming~ in essence, "I've seen you at church and was hoping you'd come.  I'm so glad you're here!"  I think she knows everyone at our church and has had them to dinner at her house. :)



Katie had a great time.



There were lots of fun friends there....Sheri and Claire....



(Playing bingo).



...Grace & Linda (painting nails).



...Amy & Grace!

On a side note. We have 2 Claire's and 3 Grace's invited to Kaitlin's birthday party. How funny is that?



And Mom here's Katie in the dress you gave her. A post on that, to come. :)

* Birthday preparations have begun for a Ballerina party that is right around the corner...I can't believe my baby is turning four.

Life.

This post is completely random.

A collection of a lot of little things that never made it into a category of something to post about other than the fact that they are meaningful to me in some way. These little things are the reason I do my blog because they are real life. The events where the kids are dressed up and I'm looking my best or setting a pretty table aren't representative of what goes on here on a day to day basis. And when I look back at this years from now I want these posts to spark memories of the little things. Not just the "events" in our life.

So here's a little bit of life in our house recently.
I'm having to shelve my pride for a few of these photos.



First off, can we just say Yay! For Christmas vacation!!! The kids' backpacks were stuffed full with art projects (homework :( ) and all sorts of fun things to look at. I loved this picture that Matthew drew.  I loved the joy of the arms open wide.  I thought it was so perfect for the first day of christmas vacation.

Here was something that cracked me up.  You might have to really know Andrew to see the humor in this, it is just so him.
There was a packet of Math work in Andrew's backpack.  There were 4-5 workbook pages that Andrew did not complete.  Nothing was written on them at all.  It was like he was absent.  The cover of it had a note from his teacher that read....


"Andrew did not keep up with whole group/auditory directions.  Review/Finish/Return...."
(She's great at telling me what type of situation he was struggling in ~ it's helpful for me to know.  But here's the best part...)



"I asked him What was he doing during Math? -- 'I think I was resting.' "

That handed me my laugh for the day.  I love his innocent honestly.  And I know his teacher well enough to know that she included that detail because she found it funny and knew I would too. 
I do understand better now though ~ he asked me just yesterday if writing was exercise and I said, "Not really" and he said, "because it makes me SO tired."
It's nice to understand why now, and know that it really does and not to dismiss him or get frustrated with him.  Honestly, there were times I just thought he was lazy.  I feel badly about that now.
So a little rest during Math was probably in order.  :) :)

But something GREAT was probably the best writing Dan and I have ever seen from Andrew....




Here's a random self portrait from my iphone that Katie requested we take. We were all "resting" together.



Andrew saw this the morning of our North Pole Breakfast and said, "Hey wait a minute!"

And then ran and did a little comparing



Dots are starting to be connected over here. I'm sure the clock is ticking...but I'm savoring every second while I can. It's just so fun. I don't want the magic to end!



I've never been into angels. But since my Dad passed, I find them comforting. I saw these angel wings and loved them. I hung them on dad's picture right by where I stand all day in the kitchen and they make me smile to think of him in heaven.


This is the other new decoration this year.


More angels.  And I just liked what it said. 

I've been really busy doing things like this....



Making teacher's gifts, which were Christmas cookies this year. I was at a loss for ideas and decided that everyone likes sugar cookies, right?



And lots of other things on the to do list too. And for a couple days I was spending an unusual amount of time in my bedroom organizing gifts, and wrapping, etc. And before I knew it, this had happenend.



Dan took this photo because it's CLASSIC me. I mean, usually not THIS bad.  I usually clean up after myself at the end of the day, but I was just really busy and totally exhausted at the end of these days and forgot about them until I was going to bed and didn't want to make another trip downstairs.  My cups are the thing that both drives Dan completely nuts about me but has grown to be an endearing trait as well (I think!).  :)   He was so pleased with himself for taking this photo that I can't deny him the pleasure of seeing it on the blog. And I always tell Matthew how important it is to be able to laugh at yourself, so there it is.  The ridiculous thing is, that is probably only two days' worth of cups!  Can you tell I have a thing for straws and starbucks insulated cups?  :)  And that little chapstick right there?

It's the best.  I've had horribly chapped lips this winter and Aquaphour and this are the only things that have helped and I've tried everything.  Dan loved that it was on my nightstand because that's the other thing that is everywhere right now.  I have to have one in arms reach all the time ~ my lips are driving me crazy!

Here's the other one he was pleased about....



It was 12:30 on a saturday and I was still in my robe ~ he loved this picture of me (the table was a mess of things I was working on) and Katie peeking out from my feet (who was in her coat and ready to head out with Dan).  Can I just say in my defense that I was SO productive that morning and got so many things off my list.  There was simply no time for showering.  :)

The last photo he took I can't bring myself to post.  But he was just having all sorts of fun taking incriminating photos that day.  What a guy! :)  you should have seen how pleased he was!



This was taken tonight as I was cleaning the kids' bathroom. Katie LOVES to help me do anything and especially cleaning! She was wiping the counter with me and we were singing "Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work we go!"  she was doing the whistling part here.  :)



Just for fun.

I can't believe Christmas is NEXT weekend!  Where did December go?

I am SO happy it's Christmas vacation and I have two weeks stretched out with no school!  Of course we have lots of things planned so I know the time will pass way too quickly, but I'm looking forward to time with the kids.

We're kicking things off this weekend with Grace's birthday party tomorrow and then off to Grammie & Grandpa's house for Christmas with them!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Taking Time for Tea

Life has been a whirlwind for quite a while now.
We had a very busy summer which launched right into a very crazy school year.
I'm currently the busiest I've been since the year Katie was born.
I know I've said all of this before, but I do have a point.

I have missed the slower spontaneous moments with the kids lately because of the crazy schedule we're keeping.

One Wednesday morning when Andrew was home from school (no kindergarten every other wednesday) he and Katie wanted to have a tea party.

Honestly, I didn't feel like I had the time to even set it up and deal with what I knew the mess would be.

And I hated feeling that way.

So I obliged in spite of myself because I was happy that they still wanted to have a tea party..



They had milk with sugar and graham crackers.

 

Because it's all about the pouring and stirring.
And what fun is it without something to pour and stir?

I relished this moment.

And truth be told, I was running around like crazy around them trying to get things done before we had to head out and I hated feeling that way.

The kids are going up so quickly.
Too quickly.

And I don't want to schedule myself out of enjoying it.
Because to me, this is the good stuff.

Tea in jammies.
Little pinkies up.
Milk being spilled.
Too much sugar being added.

Good stuff.

In four weeks, our schedule will look better, activity wise.
In one year, Andrew will be in school full time.
And that makes me sad.

And so I hope to do a better job of allowing the kids to do things, without making our life so crazy.

I hope to do a better job of creating balance while they're still small.

Prioritizing our family.

It's one of the hardest things for me.
But I really want to be able to stop and take time for tea.

We're still here.

The kids humored me with with a few photos this morning before we headed off to school.
I love this one of them.

I just wanted to quickly check in and say, we're still here.
I'm hoping to get caught up with some blogging on Friday.



(Look at how much Katie and Andrew look alike in this photo!)

We've had a crazy, crazy schedule this school year, and all of my time is pretty much devoted just to driving kids where they need to go, keeping our commitments and maintaining daily life.  I have no idea what I was thinking when I agreed to sign up the kids with so many activities.  I am NOT an activity person.  I like to do things with the kids but I don't like to have a lot of set activity commitments.  My boys like to be home and so do I (Katie is my go-go girl).   I know the activities will be in full force soon enough.

So it's unusual that we have so much going on.  We're now in full force with Soccer (andrew), Tae Kwon Do (andrew), Tennis (matthew), Ballet (Katie), Lego Club (Matthew), Bible Study (me), volunteering in the classroom, parenting class on Sunday followed by church, and 3 different school schedules during the week (morning pre-school and afternoon kindergarten) ~ so a very choppy and staggered schedule ~ definitely creating a really crazy/harried environment as transitioning the kids from one thing to the next multiple times a day feels like trying to herd cats.  It's been a little nuts.

What was I thinking?  Clearly, I wasn't!  Quite a few things drop off in the next 4 weeks, and then hopefully things will settle down.  I could not maintain this schedule through the holidays and be a very nice person.

Whenever I type a post like this I immediately feel guilty and think about how petty this probably sounds in contrast to what things could be (and have been)...but at the same time, it's how I feel at this moment.   So please don't read this as complaining,  But merely recording what life is like right now. 



We're just simply over scheduled and I did it to myself.  Right now I'm counting the minutes until friday.  Our first day in weeks (and weeks) without a commitment of some sort.  The kids don't have school.



We very well might not get dressed that day.
In fact, I can pretty much guarantee it.

It's going to be fantastic.

I feel some chocolate chip cookies coming on.

The Ugly Truth

I haven't done an "Ugly Truth" installment for a while.



I was looking at these photos and thinking about how the kids are all smiles and it looks like we had this really great day out in the sun. That would be quite far from the truth. I'm sitting here waiting for the knock at the door for the Mommy police to come and take my license away.

It was one of those days.

I don't know what is going on, but suddenly my voice has become what my mom calls, "Background noise" to the kids. They either aren't hearing me, or they're ignoring me, or choosing the blatantly disregard everything I ask them to do. The simplest task is requiring 4 or more requests.



And this Mama has had it.

Things got ugly around here today.

I actually heard myself say, "You're INSANE if you think you're getting a Popsicle."
It was at the end of dinner, at the end of a very challenging and trying day, and there was a bold request for a treat.
I was on the phone with Dan at the time and he said he knew I was at the end of my rope when he heard that.

He knows I hate name calling. It's just not something that's allowed in our family.
And I called one of our kids "insane."
Not my best moment.

The boys were in bed at 7pm tonight because I decided it was just better to end the day right then before it deteriorated any more. Sometimes you just have to salvage what's left, you know?

I share this, because I have always wanted this to be an accurate portrayal of our life. The peaks, valleys and the small bumps along the way. And because I want to make sure that I don't portray myself on this blog as anything other than what I am.

An imperfect mom that struggles at times to be patient. 
That loses her temper.
That calls her child "insane."
That fails despite my best efforts.
That has crummy days and wonders if my kids will always remember this.
If these moments will overshadow the happy times in their little lives.



Sigh.

I'll just add this to the list of things that I've said/done that I'm certain I NEVER would have thought I would say or do prior to having kids.


I love the simplicity of children's books.

And my love for "Lilly and the Purple Plastic Purse" has been documented here.

I don't have access to the book here (richland) but from memory, there is a line in a note from Lilly's teacher that simply reads....

"Today was a bad day.
Tomorrow will be better."

I hope so.