2013.

I love January.

It arrives at the perfect time after the happy holiday hub-bub.  I so easily fall into excess over the holidays.  Once it is over I crave order in my home, simplification of our schedule, and usually a diet!

I'm a goal setter by nature.   Always have been.

I'm a project starter.  (Not as good of a finisher, but I'm improving).

I'm a list maker and organizer.

I love the idea of a fresh start.  A clean slate.


I love the process of bringing order to disorder.  It is my therapy.  It clears my mind and gives me the feeling of having control over a small part of my world when there's so much that I have to "let go" of daily.

I don't think of January as a time to set resolutions as much as it is to take an inventory of my life and figure out what is working.  And more often, what isn't.

And doing the same with myself.  My health.  My habits.  My choices.

And a list eventually takes shape of a plan to move myself and my life (hopefully) toward a better version of what I am now.  Rarely do I achieve everything.  But I do inch forward.  I steadily make small progress toward goals.   

Recently, I found a list of life goals Dan and I made before we had children.  I was pleased to see some that we have accomplished that we could cross off.  I was surprised to see that many goals remain the same.  Others I could cross off simply for lack of interest.  Our vision has changed. 

I read the term "rooting year" recently.  As opposed to "flowering year."  Meaning, years in your life when you experience a change such as a new baby, a move, a job change.  It wasn't mentioned, but I would add a death to that list.  They are years where energy and efforts are mostly going toward growing roots...getting grounded and stabilized so that later, you can flower.

I could relate to that.  Dan and I definitely felt like we were uprooted in '08.  Completely.  It has been a long process of re-establishing roots.  Spiritually.  Emotionally.  Relationally.  There was really hardly an area of our life not uprooted in '08.

And slowly, steadily, we have grown roots.  It has taken longer than I'd like.  But the roots we've grown aren't shallow ones that run along the surface.

They run deep.  

I'm the weeder in our family.  I have "favorite" weeds and weeds I loathe.  My favorite weeds are the ones that have a single stem, and shallow roots and pull up with ease.  I hate the ones a with deep strong root that break off when I pull on them and then have to dig the root out with a spade.

I feel like that weed that I loathe in my garden.  My roots have grown slowly, but they run deep. And I am in fear of being uprooted right now, because I know the process would not be done with ease.  It would be quite painful.  But the possibility right now is real.

But I'm trying to surrender that fear and move forward into 2013 with faith and focus. 

The things that I've focused on during the last 4 years have been need-driven.  Either by my own personal needs or family members needs.  This year is no different.  Each year I know what needs to be done and it isn't really a choice as much as an internal pull.

This year, my goal is simply to live with discipline and intention.

Life is busy.
At times, too busy.
There isn't enough time to waste right now.

So my goal is really to be intentional with how I spend my time, resources, talents.  There is so much that I want to accomplish, and other things that I need to accomplish.

There are habits I need to break.  And others I want to form.

I want to live more simply.
I want less stuff.
I want to know God better.
I want to know God's word better.
I want my family to have more unstructured time spent together.
I want to "ruthlessly eliminate hurry."  (A challenge from our pastor this last year).
I want to multitask less and focus more.
I want to make healthy choices for my body and take better care of myself.
I want to have less, but experience more.
I want to serve others joyfully.
I want to observe the Sabbath.
I want to have a loving, heart of grace and look for the best in people.

I need to use my time wisely and be disciplined so I can dedicate myself to Andrew's increased therapy.
I need daily routines and habits so that the household runs smoothly through the week without the need for Sunday to be used as catch up.

These are the things I want to focus on.  These are the guidelines I plan to use to set specific goals ~ which Dan and I will decide on together (though a list is already forming in my head) ~ for the year.

I have a great start.  I've cleaned out most of my house.
I've started exercising again.  Not as much as I need to, but it's a start.
I've lost 4 of my holiday lbs and hope for a bit more.

I feel like I'm setting up the foundation in our home on which the rest of these goals can be built, and I'm excited about that.  It's time consuming and I haven't been as available in other areas of my life as I usually am, but I feel like this temporary sacrifice is important and will pay off.  ~ It already has.

So while I face 2013 with some real fear...I'm also excited.

I'm mostly excited for Andrew who is doing so well.  So well.  Don't get me wrong, there are still notes coming home from school and things to be addressed.  We still have a road ahead of us, but we're on the right track.  I'm seeing his body starting to respond to his OT ~ small sensory motor achievements.  And some pretty big behavioral achievements.  I am so excited to see him bloom this year.  I can't wait to celebrate more of his growth.  My heart just swells to think of it.

I'm excited for the changes I hope to make for us as a family.  I'm excited to see how that changes us and how we grow individually and together this year.

I'm praying for discipline.

For energy.  (Lord, I could use some more energy!) 

And I'm praying so hard that we can stay rooted.

And that we'll have a chance at last, to flower.

2012 ~ From the Inside Out

I had this post ready to go on January 3rd and it has taken me the whole month to have Dan look at it!  My computer hasn't been holding an internet connection, so I haven't been a good blogger/emailer lately.  But I think it is fixed now.  A warning, this is a very lengthy, wordy, post, that I've honestly written for myself.  No fun photos either.  I just really like taking stock at the beginning of each year and setting goals ~ it is something I've done personally since I was a teenager.  I like to look back and see what I've accomplished and what I'd like to continue working on. I'm a goal setter by nature, so I love this yearly ritual.

I've spent some time reflecting with Dan on the past few years and how our life has evolved each year.  An evolution that has happened first naturally, then intentionally.

2008 was our most challenging year to date.  I'll always see it as a "before/after" place in my life.  Much like how life changes after a wedding, and after a birth of a child ~ there's such a drastic change that you think of life "before" and "after" those events.  So many things happened in 2008 that required a lot of internal work for both me & Dan and definitely left us both changed.

We spent 2009 and 2010 getting on our feet again.  I physically healed from my back surgery & grieved the loss of my Dad.  Dan and I both went through a major rearrangement both individually, as a couple and as a family.  Dan's losses & journey looked different from mine, and I can't speak for him, but his journey paralleled mine in many ways.   I personally spent that time figuring out what I truly believed, how deeply I believed it, and what that meant for me and for my family, my marriage and for the rest of my life.  And all of that is something I want to write about some day, but the time isn't now.  But what resulted from that time, as Dan puts it, was that our faith stopped being an "accessory" and became the focus of our life.  I'm not saying in any way that we are examples of leading a perfectly Christian life.  In fact, we fail daily.  We are simply trying very hard to keep that as our foundation, our focus and priority.  Focusing on our faith helped greatly to heal us both from the things we experienced and put us into a place of feeling whole and strong to move forward once again.  It was a long, (honestly, tiring) process, but it has been so good for both of us, our marriage, our family.  What started as such a dark, difficult time in our life has led to a place that in many ways is better than ever before.  I believe that God can work all things for the good.

So that was '09 & '10.

Enter 2011.  Once the internal mess was sorted out, then came the external mess.  Our house had suffered during those years of pregnancy, baby, back surgery, grief.  There simply wasn't time to deal with "stuff" (things the kids had grown out of, etc) and I wasn't in the mindset to do it.  I tried and made some progress, but I just wasn't in the place for it.  But the plan for 2011 was to "simplify" and get our home/environment back in order.   Dan and I wanted our home to be peaceful and filled with less stuff...clutter...to live more simply.  Not minimally, but more simply.  And while we definitely are not "there" yet (I'm not sure this can totally be achieved until the children & all the Legos move out!  And I don't want that anytime soon....) we have made very significant strides and are continuing to work on this.  It's a huge priority for me. For both of us, really.  Last year we definitely made sacrifices to spend weekend time and free time working on this, but we both agree, it has had really positive results, and I'm grateful Dan has hung in there as I've literally been going through every single thing in our house ~ cleaning out, reorganizing, making things function better for us so that it's easier for us & the children to maintain.  And I'm starting to see the light at the tunnel.  It's going to feel so good to have this done.

And now 2012.  I'm hoping to wrap up our clean out process in the beginning part of the year (when it's raining and there isn't much to do outside anyway!)  I've actually accomplished a lot just in the last 2 weeks.

But moving on from that, the overall theme for this year is.... 

Discipline.

Now that we've done some internal & external work, I feel like the next step is really now focusing on the way we live.   Integrating our priorities into our daily life & routines.  And it's going to take a lot of discipline and will-power.  Why is it that when we lead a disciplined life it feels so good, but it's SO hard?

So I sat and made a list of 2012 Goals.  And here is where I reveal my inner nerd.

Focus:  Discipline in:
*  Health
*  Time Management/Daily Routines
*  Prioritization of Activities
*  Spending

Then I broke each area down and wrote specific goals for each one.

Health:
I won't bore you with all my health goals, but one is to exercise 3-4 times a week (I think that's a goal every year...But I'm going to do it THIS year!) ~ I actually achieved that this week.  It felt like a big accomplishment!  And I have a lot of small things on the list too, like drink more water, etc.

Time Management/Daily Routines:
I've found that our life is so busy right now, that if something is not a part of our daily routine so that it becomes mindless habit, it simply doesn't happen.  There is just too much going on.  So the "Health" goals are things that I aim to work in here to establish them as a lifestyle (along with some other things).

*  Establish a daily routine that includes waking up earlier/going to bed earlier so that I can exercise and do bible study each morning.  (I'm still working toward reading the whole bible.  I'm trudging through Numbers right now.  Definitely not my favorite book in the bible).  This is going to be so, so, SO hard for me.  Night time is my free time...it's going to be hard to give up.  ~ This is also the reason I haven't been blogging as much lately. 

*  Finish what I start before moving on to something else.  I am always multi-tasking, having way too many projects going on at once.  I just end up creating chaos and a big mess. In an attempt to be efficient I actually end up creating more work.

*  Figure out a manageable amount of "blog" time to maintain.  (This will help with getting to bed earlier).

Spending:

Some of my goals here:
*  Continued focus on purposeful spending, saving, giving. 
*  Stay focused on 2012 financial goals set by me & Dan.  (I am motivated to stay on my budget if I have a goal I'm working toward).

Prioritization of Activities:
(This falls under the umbrella of discipline because it's about doing what I should do which is not necessarily always what I want to do).

*  Maintain balance of work/play/rest for our family.  I've improved greatly here, but still want to stay focused on it ~ I want our kids to have a lot of experiences but I don't want them to feel that they always need an activity or should be entertained in some way.  I want them to be self-entertaining too, and also be happy with being at home as a family.  I'd also like them to know how to rest as I struggle greatly with this.  But with Dan's help, I'm improving at not over scheduling and have actually said "no" quite a bit in the last year.  Which has been hard, but fruitful.

~ My personal commitments fall into this as well.  Prior to kids, whenever I was involved in something I was often the coordinator/planner/leader.  I don't do that anymore.  Sometimes that's hard for me,  and feel guilty for not stepping up in some areas of my life.  But I know that right now while the kids are at home with me, I have to prioritize my family.  Perhaps I'm not good enough at multi-tasking as other moms are that I see can manage this.   I will resume doing some of those things once the kids are in school and I have stretches of time without them.  But for now, there are enough diversions from them with just maintaining life (and I know that my "maintaining life" is on the high maintenance side and so I have to make concessions for that elsewhere).   So while I feel badly about that sometimes, I learned from a wise friend that in saying my "no" to something means I'm actually saying "yes" to something that is valuable and a priority to me and that's what I have to do right now.  That being said, I still like to be more of a "helper bee" and just help out here & there where I can without taking on a project/leadership role.

*  Tackle the items on our 2012 project list agreed upon by Dan.  ~ I've learned that I need defer to Dan sometimes about what is a reasonable amount of things to try to accomplish as I tend to make us tackle too much.  You should see my lists for what I'd like to accomplish.  I think it'll keep us busy for the next 20 years. 

*  Schedule activities/outings decided on by our family at the start of the year.  We have our list that everyone contributed to ~ I now need to prioritize this to make sure it happens  the kids see us follow through here.

I know this is pretty long.  I have trouble with setting reasonable goals....But my philosophy is this.  I set my sights high ~ and if I don't completely achieve it at the end of the year, that's okay.  Whatever I do accomplish is more than what I'm doing right now.  For me, it's all about moving forward.  I don't feel like I've failed if I didn't accomplish something completely, it's all about baby steps.

I feel very optimistic and hopeful as 2012 starts.  There are some things that happened in 2008 that still require closure for us (definitely part of the reason why the feelings from that year have drug on for so long), and I'm hopeful and prayerful that we will have that resolution this year.

I'm hopeful for a fun-filled, disciplined :), productive, happy 2012!

2011 Recap

I do love the New Year.

I have always loved the opportunity to pause, reflect, take stock, and set some goals to work toward.  I feel like I always have areas in which I'm trying to grow, or places that I'm needing more discipline.  I'm usually overly ambitious and not always able to achieve everything I set out to, but I feel like this process just keeps me moving forward ~ even if it's slower than I'd like at times!  I don't feel guilty or badly if I don't finish or complete something.  It just usually stays on my list and eventually I do it.  I've learned that in this season of life I just have to be more patient with finding time for these things.

My general goal last year was to simplify.  Here's a summary of my specific goals & what actually happened....(I'm recording this for myself, so I'm sorry if it's rather boring, but feel free to read along if you're interested!)

~Read the whole Bible this year. 

I did not read the whole bible this year.  But I did read Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Matthew, Acts, part of Psalms, and I'm half way through Romans and have a start in Numbers.  I have a reading plan that I'm doing and while I didn't finish, I have really enjoyed doing this and am going to continue on and try to find a time that I can do this with more regularity this year.  I did other bible studies and faith centered readings, so I feel like that was still a focus in my life, but I'm committed to keep moving forward with this.  If it takes me 3 years, it takes me 3 years.  That's okay.

~Exercise regularly.  Yeah.  That just flat out didn't happen.  No excuses.  But wait until you hear what I have in store for THIS year!!  :)

~ I want to try to continue to minimize how much "stuff" we have.  Have less, experience more. 

I made some definite strides here. I worked REALLY hard at accumulating less stuff.  Before christmas Dan told me that I had cut our clothing expenditures in half compared to the prior year!  I told him that it felt like it!  It was hard!  :)  I have a slight addiction to children's clothing.  I don't buy so much for myself, but I do love to buy things for the kids.   I have gotten MUCH better in this area all together though.  I will never be a minimalist (my cookie cutter and cake pan collections alone can attest to that) but I really do aspire to only have things that we need/use/love.  I need to kick up the "experience more" part of this a notch.  But more on that later too.

~  I'd like to learn how to shoot in RAW and do photo editing.
I did not learn how to shoot in RAW.  But Dan did buy me "Lightroom" which is photo editing software and I have learned a little, but not nearly as much as I'd like.  I'm bumping up against the end of my knowledge/skills and would really like to take another class/read more, but I feel like this will have to wait.  I can take good enough pictures for what I want to do on a daily basis with the kids, and so will table this for the future when I have more time. 

~ I want to start reading more again. 
I did this, and REALLY enjoyed it.  I haven't read much Fiction in a LONG time and I did this year and it was great.  I hope to read even more this year.   Dan's nightstand is full of books that we both want to read.   Everything from parenting, faith, fiction, historical non-fiction, classics....lots of good stuff.  I just need more time....

~ Minimize my time on the computer. 
Hmmmm....I'm improving here, but still have a bit to go.  I definitely made strides on this.  The majority of my computer time is spent downloading/editing photos/and doing my blog.  I'm getting to where I'd have to cut those things out to cut out my computer time.  I'll have to think about what I want to do with this, this year.

~ Finish cleaning out/organizing my house....
....I remember making the bold declaration to Dan that by the end of the year, there would be NO clutter in our house.

Okay, so that didn't happen.  But I'm getting close.  I made HUGE strides on our house.  Huge.  I have worked diligently on it throughout the year as time and opportunity presented ~ tackling each closet, shelf, drawer in every room.  I have gotten rid of so much stuff.  It's so liberating!  I used to struggle with this and was more of a pack rat.  But now I love the feeling of simplifying and feeling the fruits of it, with the house being easier to maintain, I can find things more easily...I just honestly feel less burdened.  It sounds melodramatic, but honestly, it's very freeing.  I highly recommend it.  I love to do this and in our old neighborhood I went and organized my neighbor's pantry.  :)  Another friend had me organize her linen closet and her homeschooling stuff when she started schooling...I love it.   If anyone wants my services just let me know!  :)

Anyway, I have completed most of the upstairs with just the guest room and a portion of the playroom left to go.  I've gotten a start on the downstairs as well.  It feels SO good to have done this, and Dan and I both agree that the result has been fruitful.  The house is easier to maintain, I can find things more easily, etc.  I'm hoping to wrap this up by March of this year, with the exception of the garage, which will wait until summer.

So that's 2011 in a nutshell.   Dan and I sat with the kids today and made a list of things we'd like to do in 2012, but I need to put more thought into my personal focus of 2012.  However, I do have one thing I'm going to do a post on next!