Happy Birthday Andrew!

My Dear Andrew,

Each year on your birthday I write a letter to you about the things you've done and how you've changed.  While there were some significant changes in your life this year,  the thing that has remained unchanged is your sweet spirit.  You are still an exceptionally endearing child, with your deep love for others, and tender spirit.  I always say, "to know Andrew is to love Andrew."  And it's true.  I don't know anyone who has gotten to know you and hasn't fallen in love with you.  While you are most certainly a little boy and make little boy mischief (you are forever sneaking treats out of the pantry), I am unfailingly proud of the really wonderful person you are.

 

It has been quite a year for you.  You started first grade this year!



It was a hard adjustment for you.  In many facets of your life no one would guess that you have ADHD.  But the demands of first grade & having to sit and focus all day, brought to light that you were needing extra help.  We found a good Psychiatrist and Occupational Therapist.   We made the difficult decision to start you on medication.  While this was not an easy decision to make, nor an easy process ~ it took a while to find the right one/dose ~ it was clear afterward that it was the right decision.  It really helped you in school.  We also did a lot of Occupational Therapy including some "Integrated Listening Therapy" for you which increased your OT to 4 hours a week.  The ILS program is specially modulated music delivered through bone conduction headphones combined with exercises designed to target specific parts of the brain to help form/reinforce different neurological pathways.



You loved this particular activity.  As a child, you have been a "sensory seeker" which is common for kids with ADHD.  Your little body is just looking for ways to give input into your nervous system.  You love the ball pit,  swinging,  feeling textures and receiving deep pressure.  You will put your hands into the grainy paint and say, "Ahhh...that feels good!" and will lay in the ball pit as long as we'll let you, and you will swing and swing and swing. Which sort of amazes me as I would find all of these things really unpleasant. 






Your OT schedule was a challenging commitment for both of us.  But we made it through and you had significant improvement in your motor skills to the point that we were discharged by your OT at the end of the school year.  (Yay!)  There are still things that we're working on, but you were much improved.  I'm including these details for you because I think it's important for you to know your journey.

You had a wonderful teacher named Ms. Cocklin this year who was very patient and tried many accommodations in the classroom to try to help make school an easier place for you to be.


 (You came home with this piece of art one day...I asked you why you had an angry face and you said because you didn't want to do the project!  It has been very difficult for you to write and use scissors so these activities come with a high level of frustration for you.)  And while you've had challenges with motor skills, you are a bright little boy and learn easily.

I  hope you understand that while there will be times in your life, like this year,  when your ADHD diagnosis is more in the forefront and something we need to be more aware of and focused on working with, it is also a very small part of who you are.  It in no way limits you.  It is just something that requires us to choose different ways of doing things at times.  And sometimes it might take us trying a few things before we find out what works best for you.  But the more we do this, the more you will learn about yourself and the more equipped you will be with the skills to be successful in life.  We ALL have aspects of our personalities/capabilities that challenge us.  Every single person does. Yours just happens to have a name.  And we can find ways to overcome the challenges presented by your ADHD. (Note that I said challenges and not limitations ~ there is a big difference!) 

But your many, many strengths shine far above this challenge.  You are a smart boy and you have gifts of the heart and character traits that cannot be taught or learned ~ they are special gifts ~ that I have no doubt will make you successful in life and keep you surrounded by many friends.



In addition to school you played soccer and baseball this year.  You decided that Baseball was not your sport.  It was just too slow for you.  You spent a lot of time playing in the sand during the games.

 

But you and Matthew were sure cute in your uniforms.


  


You are still the best of friends with Matthew.  You really love each other and get along so well together.  You have moments of disagreements as you finally will voice your opinion more than you used to, but you work through things usually quite easily.  You love to play with one another and be together.  The most trouble we have with you isn't fighting, but rather laughing and being silly when you shouldn't be ~ it's a good problem to have!



(You decided you weren't wearing enough green and added some to your face!)



You and Kaitlin are very close as well.  She adores you and you feel the same about her.  You play wonderfully together.  It's fun to see how you play so well, and yet so differently with both of your siblings.  Being the middle child, you get to be the favorite sibling of both Kaitlin and Matthew.  Though I'm sure that status is not just a consequence of your birth order, but your easy-going, kind disposition. 

 

You love to play with Legos ~ though mostly with the mini figures and small creations that you come up with your imagination.  The complicated sets you leave to Matthew.  You also love knights and pirates. 



 You are happiest when your whole family is all together.



Saying good-bye is hard for you.  You used to cry really hard (it was heartbreaking!) if I would leave at night for some reason.  Now,  you come to the garage and stand and wave and blow kisses and hugs (wrapping your arms around your body and twisting side to side) and signing "I love you" until the garage door is all the way to the ground.  You are very bonded to your family.  When I drop you off at school you always stop to kiss me goodbye before getting out of the van and then, even if friends are excitedly wanting your attention, you will watch me drive away and wave until I am out of the parking lot.



When I volunteer in your classroom you always hug me good bye, then pop your little head out the door and watch me walk down the hall.  When I turn and see you, you blow kisses and hugs...I always make sure to look one last time before I turn the corner to blow you a last kiss.  Your routine always breaks my heart a little as your little face is always so sad to see me go.



You love to sit on the sofa with me and snuggle when I'm in my soft robe.  But then, you pretty much love to snuggle any time ~ you've been a cuddle bug since you were a baby.  You give hugs freely and hug your teacher at school every day.



One of the positive things you acknowledge about yourself is that you are a fast runner.   I came to watch you a the "Run for the Arts" and loved to see your determination to run the most laps.  I was so proud of you!



This was not an easy year in your life, sweetheart.  By the end of the school year all that we had done to try to help your development seemed to take a bit of a toll on you.  You were quite somber and just not my Andrew.  And while I think it was the right decision at the time to do the therapy, etc. it was also good once summer came to cut back on your medicine and forget all of that...



And just let you play and be a little boy.

And it was so good to see the joy, and childish delight return to your face.

I am so proud of your sweetheart.  I'm proud of you for how hard your worked this year.  It was not easy and I think you learned a little about pushing through when things are tough and not giving up.  This was also a special year for the two of us.  We spent a lot of time together this year...many hours doing your exercises and long drives to and from therapy ~ talking and listening to audio books together.   I cherished the time spent with you.   One of your favorite book series is the "Llama Llama" series.  In one particular book the little Llama gets frustrated with having to run errands and has a tantrum (which you think is so funny).  The mama Llama tells the Llama that while it isn't fun, at least they are together, and even things that are mundane are made better by the company of someone we love.  I referred to that many times this year when tears of frustration would spill down your cheeks. 

Everything is made better by your company, sweet boy.  Your presence is such a blessing to me and our family.  I feel so lucky to be your mom.  To be loved by you is a special thing, indeed.

Happy 8th birthday, my dear Andrew. 

I love you with all my heart,

Mama