Lent

I love Lent.

I love Christmas too. 

I can easily get swept up into all the fun traditions...gingerbread houses, Christmas lights, train rides, movies, cookies, wonderful time with friends and family, oh and lets not forget gifts and decorations!  And then pretty soon, our celebration turns more into more of a birthday party and a little less about the actual reason we celebrate Christmas to begin with.

I'm guilty of it every year.

But Lent is different.  Sure there's an easter egg hunt, and a fun basket of treats and my favorite ~ a pretty dress ~ waiting on the other end. 

But there's no sweet birth story.  No birthday party. 

There's a betrayal. 
Cruelty. 
And the ultimate sacrifice.  

For me.

One that I feel unworthy of, even on my best days. 

And ultimately...hope. 

It's a story that moves me to my core. 

It's a time for personal sacrifice and reflection.  A time to prepare and grow closer to God. 

And while I love Christmas, I have to say, as my faith has grown, Lent has become my favorite time of year.

I love doing a Lenton sacrifice.  Last year I gave up shopping.
It was HARD.  Hard, hard.  Harder than I'd like to admit.

Dan loved it.  :)

But that's the point.  It's supposed to be hard.  This year, I am observing the Sabbath for Lent.

I know that probably sounds easy, but for me, it's not.
I'm a little addicted to productivity.  I'm a girl on the go, and I struggle greatly with resting.  I'm a bit of a taskmaster.  (I'm certain Dan is nodding his head right now).

After I came home from the hospital with Kaitlin (& back surgery) I was very quickly "all done" with being laid up and determined to get out.  I thought I could do two small stops with Shannon.  We made it into one store...poor Shannon ended up pushing both of our strollers back to the van and then I waited in the van in frustration while she ran into the next place for me.  In retrospect, it was ridiculous, but such an example of how I am not good at resting even when I'm physically limited.  I'm often staying up later than I should.  Trying to fit more in my week than I should.  And increasingly, I'm noticing that my body is protesting. 

I always have a to do list that I'm working through.  Always a project.  Always a purpose.

And I don't confess that pridefully.  I don't think that's really the best way to live life.  It is such an easy pitfall in our culture though.  We pride ourselves on our accomplishments, not on how well we rest.

 But living that way doesn't make room for things that are really important in life.  Things that I really do value but don't have space for right now because of how I choose to live. Because let's face it, our (my family's) schedule, our activities, our commitments, are all things that I choose.  Yes, some things feel more like responsibilities (OT), but even that is a choice that I make based on a priority/value in my life.  And we won't even talk about the things I do for holidays/birthday parties, because we all know that falls into the "ridiculous" category and can easily be pared down to simplify life and make room for other things. 

Every so often there will be a sermon on observing the sabbath.  After all, it is a commandment.
My ears always perk up.  I sit a little taller in the pew.  I listen carefully, and nod my head.  It all makes perfect sense.  I scribble a few notes, and then I go home and by Tuesday I've forgotten and I fall back into my whirlwind pace that I keep.

The problem is, I'm pretty much the pacemaker of our life for our family.  So, my choices impact 4 other people and I'm questioning the choices I am making for them.  I am going to have to be an example to our children on how to maintain a proper work/rest balance.  By my choices, I am essentially training them to be on the go.  To not know how to just "be" at home without purpose.  Entertainment.  I wouldn't say it's a real issue yet, but I'm sure if I continue on, it will be. 

Honestly, there is part of me that is a little fearful.  I don't feel like I have time to observe the sabbath.  I need that day.  I wonder, will our house completely fall apart?  Will I be able to get everything done that I need to each week?  I'm sure I will have to restructure how I do things.  I'm sure this will lead to other sacrifices that I will have to make about how I spend my time and what I take on.  The hard truth is that we make time for things that are important to us.  We live life according to our values and priorities.  I used to not have time for church every Sunday either.  Now we rarely miss.  It's a priority.  And it's one of my favorite things to do each week. 

When I told Dan my sacrifice he was really happy.  He said, "You need to do that."

I really do.

Have a Blessed Lent!