Life Behind Closed Doors

I love decorating for fall.  And I love our front door step right now.

This cheery, tidy exterior is feeling a bit like a facade right now.
If you were to open this door and come inside you'd see....

A playroom strewn with toys.
Kitchen appliances smeared with fingerprints.
A kitchen desk covered in paper and random toys.
A covering of dust on the glass of the living room table.
And don't you dare walk into my bathroom or I'll die of embarassment.

I just can't keep up with it all right now.
The mess of my house is making me crazy.
Life feels like the dust was kicked up and I'm waiting for it all to settle so I can figure out how to clean it all up.

Dan's job is very stressful right now.  All prayers in that direction are sure appreciated.

And here's the update on Andrew.

Our daily routine looks something like this....
Andrew gets his medicine in the morning.  While he's on it he is calm, he can manage his body much better.  But he's also quite serious and a little solemn.  He receives another dose after lunch.  Around 4 or 5 or so (depending on when he had his dose) he gets emotional.  Sometimes getting sad, sometimes getting angry.  The medicine is wearing off and it affects his emotions.  Then, last night he got completely wired and crazy.  Couldn't follow instructions, is all over the place, wrestling with Matthew rather than getting dressed....our house became a total circus.  This is known as the "rebound" effect.  So his ADHD symptoms are then worse than they are when he's on the meds.   Alas, there's a drug we can give him for that too.  Some nights he has trouble sleeping.  A side effect of the drugs.

I relayed this to the Psychiatrist who basically said that's normal.  That's the trade off.  It's a balance of risk/benefit.

She then told me what I have already read...that these kids are high risk.  They are prone to substance abuse, depression, suicide, divorce, job loss....BUT if you treat them early, the risk drops significantly.  She said that untreated, by the time they are 12 they usually have a secondary issue of some sort.

She said that this will look different at the age of 12, 15, adulthood...as Andrew grows and matures every stage will look different.  His treatment will look different.  It will just be a lifetime of management.

I am sad right now.
As the realities of this disorder becomes more and more clear, my heart aches for Andrew.
I know we will work through this.  I know this is a process.  This is just part of where we're at.

I am sad when I look at Andrew on his medicine and don't see his spark, his joy that we love about him.  One option for us is to not give him his medicine on the weekend or holidays.  That is something that we'll talk about with Andrew.  For now we need to so that we can continue to observe him until we get his treatment settled. 

The day we started Andrew on his medicine he came home and I looked at his planner in shock.  Look at his handwriting....


 
His meds started on Wednesday.  Look at the difference in his writing.  I can't help but to think that this is so symbolic of what he feels inside.

So, we continue on.
His dose hasn't changed.  We go back in two weeks.  We have a therapy appointment on the 30th with the OT.  We'll learn more then.

The bottom line is this.

Andrew says feels better on his medicine.  When I ask him if he wants to take it or not, he says he wants to take it. 

I asked him, "Andrew how does your medicine make you feel?"

"Quieter.

Good.
Normal.
Just quieter."