Sue

Very shortly after school got out, Kristi called to tell me that her mom was in the hospital.  She was admitted with low blood count, anemia and also pneumonia.  Sue had a rough day of tests and Kristi said she knew she'd love to hear from me and gave me her number.  When I called the hospital room, the phone just rang and rang...shortly thereafter I got a text saying that Sue had been transferred to another hospital.  

I missed my chance to talk to her.

It was many days of daily texts and phone calls between me, Lisa, and Kristi.  Things changed day to day.  She would seem to improve a bit only to worsen again or stay the same.  She was in the ICU on a ventilator for nearly two weeks before the pneumonia finally cleared but her dependence on the ventilator increased.

Kristi called one afternoon and I took the phone into the dining room.  She told me that they were probably going to have to let her go to heaven in the morning.

None of us saw this coming.  When I saw Sue last (in February when the above photo was taken) I remarked to my mom that she didn't seem in great health, but it wasn't anything specific.  I never (ever) would have thought that would be our last visit.

I hung up the phone and sat in the dining room and cried.

Matthew later told me that it was the first time he really saw me cry.  He came into the dining room and hugged me.

When Sue was admitted to the hospital a friend wanted to come and see her, but Sue didn't feel well enough.  She told her, "If I don't see you, I'll see you in heaven."  Which is such a Sue thing to say.   But the faith and the peace behind that statement when she was clearly, critically ill, amazes me.

She passed away on June 25.   Coincidentally, the same day that her Mom was killed by a drunk driver on her way home from church, many years earlier.  

I loved Sue dearly.  She was like a second mom to me growing up, and one of my favorite people in the world.   When she passed away, there was still a card on my desk that she had sent in May for Mother's Day telling me how much she loved me and many other sweet affirmations that was Sue's way....always building other people up.  She did that for me as I was growing up as well. 

 

I sat down the night that she passed away and wrote a message to her daughters, Lisa & Kristi.  I sat in the living room for over an hour both smiling at the sweet memories and with tears endlessly streaming down my cheeks because there would be no more....as I remembered precious moments and wrote them down.  It was healing to sit and visit those places in my mind of a time I haven't thought of for so long.  I'm including a portion of my message below for my own memories as well.....

"I have found myself just remembering so many things about your mom over the last week.  Andrew caught me standing still in the middle of the stairs with a load of laundry in my arms just lost in a memory of your Mom and he said, "Mama, what are you thinking about?"  He cried and cried tonight at dinner when we told him your mom passed away.  Kaitlin cried too, though I think it was because Andrew was crying.  :)  I sat and told them how your Mom took me to Disneyland twice!  And how I had never been before then.  I told them how much your Mom loved Disneyland and they loved hearing about that. 

It made me think about how your mom included me in everything.  From haircuts to church, to vacations.  She treated me like family and I felt loved like I was one of her own.  I remember going to church and then Dairy Queen for a "full meal deal."  She would take bites of everyone's lunch and say, "Mmm, that is so good!"  She would ask how much homework everyone had and then we would go to the mall and shop and have a diet coke/Mrs. Field's cookie.  I remember being baptized at the age of 14 because your mom included me in the confirmation classes at CUP.   I doubt I otherwise would have gone to church. 

Whenever I am overwhelmed with a mess, I still think of your mom saying, "Start in a corner and work in a circle."  And I do!  I remember if we made a mess in the house when we were growing up, Kristi would say, "Mom is going to have a cow!" And then we'd quickly clean up before she came home!  I remember walking in the door and your mom would say, "Let me munch on you!"  And I'd stand and let her kiss and kiss my cheek.  She always took a genuine interest in others.  Always helped when she saw a need.  I learned about giving and serving by watching your mom.  The errand list was always seemed to include helping others.  She was never inconvenienced by a need.  She served graciously, loved courageously.  That is how I remember your mom.  Some people are held back in their service either by fear of offending someone, or just lacking the confidence...not your mom.  She would go anywhere to help anyone.

I remember the scads of hair spray cans in the cupboard and the cloud that would hang in the bathroom as your mom would spray her hair as we'd make sure her backcombing didn't show in the back.  I felt privileged to be among the few to see your mom in her robe without any make up on!

I remember summer time at Jason Lee Pool, Soap Opera Digest and your mom would weed the pool area so it would look nice.   I remember one time Kristi and I pretended to be Seals in the pool while your Mom fed us Nutter Butters.  :)  Why do I remember these things?!

Your mom fostered an environment of helpfulness in your family.  Whenever someone had something stressful going on, your Mom would say, "Let's help ___, by doing ___." 

I loved sitting and playing cards with your mom and listening to her laugh.  She loved to laugh!!  She had such a great sense of humor & would say startling things sometimes that were so funny!  When I think back to how annoying Kristi and I had to have been at times and yet your mom would laugh at/with us.  :) 

I remember her finding clothing she'd like for you guys and so she'd buy the same thing in multiple sizes.  And colors. 

She loved a list and crossing things off. 

And she loved a good bargain.  And telling us how much she saved.  :)   

I remember cleaning the fountain in the front yard one day and your mom brought out big ice waters for us while we worked.  Your mom was always thoughtful like that.

I loved how your mom told stories with all the details.

I remember how we weren't allowed to walk in the living room and ruin the vacuum marks.  :)   And how it was a VERY special occasion when we got to sit in the living room.  I just reminded Dan of this and he confessed to moving some of the pillows around in that room one day.  Troublemaker.

I remember the first time your mom came to visit after Kaitlin was born and the abscess, etc.  She & John came for dinner and she hugged me and hugged me and told me how glad she was that I was okay....I remember her calling regularly and being a support to both me and my mom after Dad passed away.  Your mom was someone who wasn't scared off by emotion or tough times.  She was happy to step in and be a caring, encouraging presence.

I am certain that for most people who knew your mom, her last words to them were "I love you more!"  What a beautiful way to leave...to have your parting words be ones of loving kindness.

I know I have said this to Kristi already, but one of the hard parts about losing your mom has been that it was unexpected.  And yet, such a blessing to live life fully, and beautifully right to the end.  And then to pass on quickly with little suffering.  Your Mom was a do-er...she was always on the go.  I can not see her growing old in a chair watching game shows.   I can't help but to think that she would have wanted it this way.  

I will miss your mom dearly.  She was one of the most influential people in my life.  Your mom had a huge impact on me and who I am today.  I will carry her memory & the lessons she taught with me always.   I'm so grateful that she let me be a part of your family.   I look back and think how the day I was chosen to be a TA at "Camp Wooten" and was assigned to the "Owl" cabin (weren't we the owl's Kristi?) was one of the luckiest days of my life.  I can't imagine never having met Kristi & Sue (and then Lisa) and all the adventures and happy times that would follow.  The times spent with your family were some of the happiest of my childhood and are treasured memories."



Our last photo...all together. 
Feb. 23, 2013