My Dear Kaitlin...

 
My Dear Little Kaitlin,
How can you be four,  when I remember so clearly this moment....
 
I remember everything about this moment.  I remember your Daddy taking this photo.  I remember exactly how you felt, so warm and wet ~ born only seconds before.  My heart, complete.  Content.
I remember dressing you in this sweet dress, and propping you up for a photo in your crib.

You were so tiny and sleepy.  I remember thinking you looked like a little doll propped in the corner.
I wish I could go back and hold that little baby again...smell your sweet baby smell, hear your quick breaths....oh, it goes too quickly.  Even being mindful of how the time slips away, it simply isn't ever enough.
And just for fun...here you are going home from the hospital....

(A mini Andrew!  When you were born you looked JUST like him! And the older you get, the more you resemble him again.)

At One....

 

 At Two....

 

At Three...


And now at four....

You have grown so much this year, and yet as I read what I wrote about you last year, I feel like you haven't changed all that much.  
You are still very girly.  You love to dress up, you love to dance, you love to sing, you love jewelry, you love to have your nails painted, you love to brush your own hair after you take a bath.  You love to cook, you love your baby dolls, you love princesses and everything feminine.  

You said to me with a sigh the other day, 

"Mama, I just love girl things."
One of the things that I love about you is that while you are very girly, you are also very strong in who you are.  You have your Daddy's confidence.  You can walk into an unknown situation without hesitation.  You'll talk to anyone and tell them about your big girl bed (this is still a big topic with you) or that your "best friend has a puppy."  Already you seem to have a surprisingly strong sense of self, and confidence in who you are.  I pray this never changes.


(This is one of my favorite photos of you.  This is your natural, unposed smile, and I love that you are in your PJs, and your hair is down...while I love to dress you up, this represents my very favorite times with you.  Lounging at home.  This photo captures your essence to me. )


You love your family very much and are very affectionate.  Never pulling away from squeezes or kisses.  You eat them up.  You'll let me munch on your little cheek as long as I want to.  I love that.

 

You love to be the baby.  I have remarked before that a younger sibling would do you some good.  (But a puppy will have to play that younger sibling role someday). :)  



You have a sweet heart and want very much to please me and your Daddy (which makes parenting you quite easy) but you aren't overly sensitive. Most of the "crying" you do is usually for effect.  That's not to imply that you are insensitive ~ you seem to be appropriately empathetic, and very aware & considerate of other's feelings, it's more that you just seem to have a natural strength to you.  The exception of this is bedtime.  You get fussy and cry at bedtime because you don't want to go to bed.  But we've been working on it, and you've been getting better about it.
 
You love to be with me, which I love too.  You love to help me shop, clean, and I can't start baking anything without you running into the kitchen to get your apron on, asking "what are you making?" and asking to "help."  You still say, "I'll help with you."
I love that.
 


You are still very close to Andrew.  The two of you are so sweet.  You miss him so much when he is at school.  The two of you play beautifully together and get along so well.  I love listening to you play.  You especially love to build forts, play "knight & princess."  Because of the age gap between you and Matthew, I have to encourage that relationship more.  He isn't a natural playmate for you, and so it's something that I'm working hard at trying to nurture as I fear without some intentional encouragement in that area, it'll be easy for the two of you to not be as close.


You love to color and right now everything you color is purple.  It's your favorite color.  You'll say "Purple & Pink are my favorite colors."  But purple is your very favorite.  You love "ponies" and kitties & dogs.  You still often act like one and your impersonation is improving as just this evening I thought there was a dog in our backyard when it was you! 


You recently sat down and put together several puzzles that were quite difficult.  Your Daddy and I were both very surprised.  We had no idea you could do that.  
 


You love clothes, shoes, hair accessories and jewelry.  You are starting to exert an opinion about your clothing, but so far you will still compromise on things.  You don't argue too much with me over how I'm dressing you because we seem to have similar ideas right now.  Except there is the rare occasion when you are wanting to wear a dress and I'd like to put you in pants for practicality.  That doesn't please you.



You still hold your hands out to me, open and shut them and say, "Upie."  When I drop you off at Sunday School and hug you good-bye, you'll say "noses" and want to rub noses with me. You still love to rock ~ I do too...but you rarely nap anymore.  And our daytime rocking is slowly disappearing as you move toward "quiet time."  Something that does make my heart ache a little. 



You love your ballet class and have been asking to do gymnastics & ice skating.  I think you like any sport involving a cute costume!  It is so interesting to observe you in your ballet class.  The other little girls tend to be more quiet and reserved and you definitely are outgoing and confident ~ being silly, talking when others are more shy, twirling when you aren't supposed to twirl (as you love to twirl) and then stomping loudly in your tap shoes.  You love to perform and have people's attention.


And you love to sing.  I saw this quote and it made me think of you....
The only thing better than singing is more singing.  ~ Ella Fitzgerald
 
You sing the funniest songs.  About everything ~ including your bathroom habits.  Oh my, some of the things you'll put to a tune!  You often sing about "beautiful" things & above all, your love for your family.  That is by far your favorite topic.  Your little heart is definitely filled with love.

You LOVE to pick flowers & always want to buy flowers at the grocery store so that you can hold them.

You are still easy to parent.  You are rarely in time out (though do go on occasion), and even if you start bad habits I can quickly get them under control.  That's not to say we don't have moments.  We absolutely do!  But mostly when you are tired or hungry.  I really think it's because you hate for me or Daddy to be upset with you.  That is one thing that will make you cry.  If we get angry with you, you will cry and say a mournful "You hurt my feelings."  But things are quickly repaired with a hug & a snuggle.



However, you are a terrible, terrible, terrible eater.  Terrible.  You are by far, our worst eater (& that's saying something!) It's so bad that I hate even fighting the battle with you.  Getting you to try a bite of new food is exhausting for everyone.  I have to force it in while you sit and cry.  (This is one of the few things you truly cry about).  I'm certain this is payback as I was a terrible eater as well.  Your Daddy does not understand this in the least & it drives him completely crazy.  It's something I'm going to talk to your pediatrician about as I'm at a loss as you will literally only eat 4 things for dinner with cooperation.  (Literally, four.  I counted.) 

 

You & your Daddy have a special relationship and when you go out together you have your own song that you sing "Kaitlin & Daddy, together again!  Together again!...."  You'll often tell me during the day that you miss Daddy.  And right now your favorite thing to do when he gets home from work is to "Give him his first BIG hug!"

Your accomplishments this year....

You are riding a "big girl bike" with training wheels!


You tell everyone that you have a loose tooth, but it isn't true. :)


You started pre-school & LOVE it.  You love share, you love the friends, and you especially love to go with Gracie, whom you refer to not as Grace, but as "My Best Friend."  You know your letters and most of your sounds.  There are a handful that you get confused on, but know most of them.  As you listen to Andrew learning to read you are starting to mimic sounding out words. :)  I'm amazed at how well you color at this age compared to your brothers at the same age.  I've heard that small motor skills develop more quickly in girls and it is certainly true in our family.  You sat at the table this evening as the boys were doing homework and started writing your letters.  I've never helped you with them (though you practice in pre-school) and it seems this is (thankfully!) developing more easily for you.



There was one day this year that held both my worst & also one of my favorite memories. 


 
By far the worst was when we lost you at the fair.  This one of the most terrifying things that I have ever experienced.  I still feel sick thinking about the length of time that I didn't know where you were and the places my mind went.  I don't know that I'll ever forget how I felt that day.  I remember my lungs still burning that night when I went to bed from running as fast as I could through the fair to get you when I got the call that you had been found.  I couldn't get you back in my arms fast enough.  And once I did, just sitting on the ground with you, crying & crying.   It left an impression on you as well, as you still talk about it from time to time...even a couple months ago during a children's sermon at church in front of the congregation.  "I got lost at the fair."

On a side note ~ the reason you got lost was another example of your confidence & independence.  You wanted to ride the carousel & so you simply walked off and went and got on the ride all by yourself!  Not much intimidates you.



However, this sheep did.  And while it might sound cruel because you were upset & crying, this was one of the funniest memories.  You and the sheep that wouldn't stop "Baa"-ing.   You had the loudest sheep that had a LOT to say.  Finally, you just started crying.  I think it was funny (and also endearing) because it was so unlike you to get rattled by something like this & even though you were upset you still stood there holding that leash!  Later when you saw this picture you said, "I wanted him to be quiet."  :)

This photo is a perfect depiction of how you approach life.  Jumping right in with two feet.
You have a sparkly, shiny, joyful personality & I truly just love everything about who you are.





You have been sunshine in my life since the day you were born.  Bringing light to even the darkest, saddest days.  I can't help but to marvel at how the year of your birth was the worst year of my life to date and yet it seems that by perfect design you were made to be so sunny and cheerful.  I know that the combination of the timing of your arrival & your happy personality was a gift given to us to help us through those days. Which you did so often, by your contagious joy.  And now, you continue to shine in our life every day.

I couldn't be more grateful for you.  You truly have helped to heal my heart, more than you can ever know.

You bless me every day, simply by being you.

Being your mom is one of the greatest joys in my life.

Happy 4th Birthday, and may all your wishes come true.

All my love, my sweet baby girl,

Mama