Eleven!

My Dear Matthew,

I started these letters to you your first year of life.  First monthly, and now annually, and it's one of the things I'm so glad that I did.  It's a joy to watch you grow and see unexpected developments and changes in you through the years.

 

You have evolved so much through the years.  The person you are today is the person I would have predicted in some ways based on who you were as a small child.  You are still a rule follower, you still want to please your parents, you are still very curious and throw yourself headfirst into your interests and immerse yourself in them (currently, it's your rainbow loom creations).

 

However, there are things that have surprised me as well and I never would have predicted.  The biggest thing is your sense of humor.  You are funny and you love to laugh and make other people laugh.  This has gotten you in a bit of trouble at school with respect to when you should be engaging in your humor.

 

We had a challenging year at school with you this year.  School has always come very easily for you, and this year the expectations/requirements were greatly raised.  Your work ethic wasn't up to the challenge.  You are an extremely hard worker when it comes to your passions.  If it's something you aren't interested in, or is repetitious (math facts/writing) it is a challenge to make you put forth your best effort.  You just "don't see the point."  One of my favorite quotes from you, when you were learning fractions..."I don't see the point of learning fractions.  Unless I'm working in a pizzaria, it's completely useless."

 

You have done well in school, but not as well as you could.  Your Dad & I have had to really push you this year and you haven't liked that.  But you have too many gifts for me to allow you to settle for mediocrity, so we will continue to be working on this in 5th grade.

 

You are still playing baseball and really like it.

 

You didn't make the AAA team this year with your classmates.  Instead, you played down in the AA with kids significantly younger than you, and while that was disappointing for you at first, you had a really good attitude and I was very proud of the character you showed through that process.

 

While you aren't naturally gifted at baseball, you are gifted at running, which was a fun thing we learned about you this year.  You ran your first 5K and without training or being involved in conditioning sports you finished in the 24 minute range (I don't remember your exact seconds) but it was an impressive finish (especially compared to your mom!)

 

You are very responsible and helpful to me around the house.  You are a kind big brother to Andrew and often help him (and me) with getting his things gathered for school.  This is probably the most frustrating part of my day and you often step in to make this easier.  And while Andrew needs to learn to do this on his own (and I know he will) I appreciate that you help with this when I am pressured for time.



You are also very helpful when it comes to chores.  Just getting right to work, working hard and quickly to get things don't without complaining (other than about the fact that your siblings don't help as much...which is true!  We're working on it, sweetheart and in the meantime, I'm grateful for your help and effort).

 

Your friends are important to you.  Your best school friends are Bridger, Stephen & William.

 

 

However, you still are a great playmate to Andrew who still adores you and currently resents your Rainbow Loom for distracting your attention away from him. :)  The two of you get along so well.

 

You have moments of bickering, like all brothers, but you are more often getting in trouble for being silly when we need you to be calming down or quiet, and I think that's a great problem to have.

 

 I love to hear you talking in your room at night and in the morning.  Your relationship is what I hoped it would be when Andrew was born.



You relate less to Kitti at this age, because of the spread in your age and the fact that you have few interests in common.  But this continues to improve as well and she loves you so much.  This is something that I continue to nurture with you and thankfully, you listen when I talk with you about it and put forth an effort.  You just require reminders.  :)

 

When I asked you what your favorite 10 year old memory was, you said, "When we went to Disneyland."



I love that you don't take yourself so seriously that you won't wear a mickey shirt.  I loved seeing that you still delighted in seeing the characters.

 

That you would allow yourself to experience the magic of Disneyland.

 

 



 

This year especially, I have seen you thinking more and more about others without prompting.  I have also watched you continue growing in your faith and maturity.  One of my favorite examples from the year happened after you listened to a sermon on "idol worship" ~ putting other things in front of God.



You came home from school one day and told me about how when you play a particular ball game at school and you get a popular boy "out" all of this followers come after you.  You said to me,
"I just want to tell them, 'popularity doesn't even matter after High School, so who cares!' and 'Listen to Pastor Fitz's sermon ~ don't worship idols!!'"  I loved your 4th grade application of the sermon and your wisdom that popularity does NOT matter.  I hope you are able to maintain that wise perspective through middle school and high school.



I'm very proud of the little boy that you are, Matthew.  You are polite and kind.  Your teacher said that you are "very sweet and helpful."

 

You are fun to be around.  You make me laugh.  I love spending time with you.

 

 I love talking with you.  And I love your freckles. 

 

You are easy to parent because you have a strong sense of right/wrong and want to do the right thing.

 

You don't like being in trouble.  For the most part, you make parenting look easy.

 

You are a joy, and I'm so very thankful to be your Mom.  I love this age with you and could freeze you right where you are and just soak it in for a few years if I could.

 

All my love,
Mama

 

Updated!

I managed to update the blog!  You can read the new post here.

My goal is to do one post a day this week during spring break!

About Andrew

Spring Break has commenced!  One of my goals for the week is to try to make progress on finishing some blogging from 2013.

Life  has reached a whole new level of crazy this year with Kaitlin starting school and having her own "life" complete with activities and when did Kindegarten start giving so much homework???  Matthew's homework reached a new intensity this year as well.  I am counting down until summer.

I wanted to record a little of Andrew's journey for those who follow along with care and concern and also for my own reference.

 Andrew has started gymnastics and LOVES it.  I wish I would have started him sooner!  It is SO good for his motor skills and just feeds his needs for sensory input and movement.  He is learning a back tuck on the trampoline and so my paranoia of a broken neck has officially commenced.  It's less expensive than OT and works his core and many of the skills we were doing there.

He has had a pretty good year.  He has a great teacher who is so patient.  I thought for a long time that things were better/easier for him, when it turns out his teacher is just the type who handles things and doesn't feel the need to constantly report to the parent.  Which is both great and a challenge, as that feedback helps me to regulate his medication.

We've had to increase his medication and add on another one this year.  We had to change doctors due to an insurance change and I do not like our new physician.  This is one of the hardest parts of managing ADHD ~ building a good professional team.  We might resort to seeing a Dr. not covered by insurance, but highly recommended and closer to our home.  I would rather make financial sacrifices and have quality care for Andrew that would require him to miss less school for appointments.

One of the things I am thankful for is that Andrew does not have the social challenges that many ADHD kids have.  I always send up a prayer of thanks on that portion of the Behavioral survey where all of the numbers indicating "never a problem" are circled and I am reminded that things could be much more challenging.  He is continuing to do well in school academically speaking (he LOVES to read! ~ I am so thankful for this) though his teacher thinks he'd perform even better if he could focus longer.   The exception is writing.  It is still very difficult for him and he is now a full grade level behind.  I met with his teacher this week and we are retesting him to see if we can get him qualified for services.  She said she is hoping to be able to have someone come into the classroom and work with Andrew individually on assignments and possibly modify the requirements to be more appropriate for his abilities right now.  It would help a lot as the gap between him and his peers is quickly widening and his frustration is greatly increasing. 

School is hard for him behaviorally as well.  Thankfully his teacher sees that "he just can't help it at times."  Although, he had a substitute teacher today and tried turning in two writing assignments with only the words "blah blah blah blah" on them.  I know his history and can surmise that it was friday, he's tired, writing takes a lot of effort and energy for him and he was just done.  However, it's not okay to do that.  But honestly, I saw the note on his daily behavior report (we've started those too) and just laughed (Andrew was not there to see).  There are consequences of course, but I have to keep my sense of humor.

It takes us a long time to get through homework on days that he has writing assignments as I still have to help him correctly form letters.  I am seeing that as Andrew gets older and the academic demands increase I am going to need to release myself from committing to things that aren't necessary.  I can see that I will need to have dinner prep done early so that when Andrew is home I don't get frustrated and impatient with his needs and that I can better invest myself into reinforcing good habits for him that take  s  o  o    l  o  n  g   to establish and so much energy to maintain.  It is NOT easy.  In fact, I am challenged daily.  And I fail daily.

I joined a website called CHADD for parents/kids with ADD in the hopes that I can learn more and find helpful resources.  They are hosting a webinar that has information on 504/IEP plans and what kids with ADHD are legally entitled to.  I am hoping to learn more so that I can better advocate for andrew.  All that to say, I'm learning that this journey is going to require a lot of time, energy, patience, and resources.  I recently attended a meeting about helping kids with Executive Functioning challenges (kids with ADHD have this).  They presented the statistic that 35% of kids with ADHD drop out of high school, along with many other sobering facts.  They are an at-risk population for many, many undesirable things.  It is so easy to get sucked into fear as a mother surrounding that.  But I have to just pull back and look at today.  Just today.  And what I can do in this one day to help move Andrew toward a life where he can be the best possible version of himself.   And then I'll wake up tomorrow and do it again.  And when it stops working or he changes and has different challenges, then I'll figure out how I need to change and adjust as well.  And I hope each day and each decision will build on one another until one day a man poised for a happy, successful life will leave my home and blossom.

August Wrap up!

A wrap up of August can be found at the bottom of this page.  I have one more post I'm finishing up and August will be an official wrap! 

The things they say.

(For anyone still reading...I did another blog update!  See below this post for details).

Kaitlin has a knack for making friends.  I call her the "Pied Piper" of little girls.  She is outgoing and a natural leader and when we go to the park, or soccer games, in no time she'll have a couple of little girls following her around.  This was the case this afternoon as well when we went to the park.  (One day during Andrew's soccer game she ran to the playground nearby to play and by the time I got there she had met a little girl who invited her to her party and Kaitlin was carrying a cup of juice, had a party blower and a treat in her hand.  Next thing I know she had invited the girl to her soccer game and she accepted and came to watch.

Classic Kaitlin. 

She just now said to me,

"Mama, it's just so weird.  Everywhere I go, friends just magically appear."  :)

What a lovely way to live life!

Just had to share....

I was just cleaning out some of the old messages in my inbox and came across this photo that Rachel took of Dan last Christmas Eve during church.  I thought it was great because it's pretty much us.  Me with the camera glued to my eye and Dan...well, that's Dan!  The other great capture is Sheri who is above Dan's shoulder to the left ~ who is a dear friend, also laughing.  The living Nativity for Christmas Eve really was that funny and that wonderful.  There's nothing like a child for making one's heart light.

Thanks for sharing this gem, Rachel!

Andrew Update

A little snippet of my conversation with Andrew the other day:

Andrew:  Have you ever seen a Black Market?
Me:  No, I haven't.
Andrew:  I have.
Me:  Where?
Andrew:  "Mike's Drugs."
Me:  Honey, that's a pharmacy.
Andrew:  Oh.

I just had to do a quick update on Andrew.

He is doing so well.  I'm a little amazed, actually.  Dan was the one to help with homework a couple of nights ago and remarked that the difference between last year and this year was "huge."  It is.

Andrew sat down and wrote a page and a half story in his writing journal from the perspective of being a spider.  He loved it.  He said he likes writing when he can choose what he writes about.  This, from the child that I had to do battle with to pick up a pencil and even try to write a single letter.  Dan and I were both amazed.  It's been wonderful to see completed papers coming home with high marks.  And writing that is legible.  (We still do a lot of erasing and re-writing of letters as he's still trying to break bad habits, but he can do it with so much more ease and without him completely melting down and wanting to stop trying altogether).  And the best part is that he's still on half the dose of medicine that he was on last year.  It's so much better...I feel like Andrew is still Andrew but with a little more control.  I forgot his medicine one morning and that was the only day I had an email from his teacher saying he had a rough day and was really struggling.  When I picked him up from Chess that day I took one look at him, and his behavior and immediately realized we had rushed out the door and I had forgotten his medicine.  Confirmation that we made the right choice there.

The other really neat thing that happened the other day was that I was telling Andrew how proud I am of him and how well he's doing in school.  And he said, "You should thank Miss Deborah."  (His OT from last year).  I asked him,  "Do you feel like your therapy helped you?"   And he said, "A lot."

A lot.

And those two little words made all of those hours struggling through therapy, the tears from him, the miles on the road, the expense...all of it, totally worth while.

And who knows how much was OT and how much was maturity.  I think the reality is that it is a little bit of both.  But I do know the jump we've seen has been exponential and his OT said the same thing when we wrapped his sessions.

Yesterday he sat coloring a page and mentioned how much easier it is for him to color now (and related it again to his therapy) and he actually praised himself and said, "Look how good this is." 

Music to my ears.

Andrew has had low self esteem and has spoken so negatively about himself in the past.  His struggles really affected his perception of himself.  To hear him give himself this small compliment made me so happy.

I had an email from his teacher (a follow up after a rough day) and she was sharing that Andrew did really well during their science project and that he was helping other children with it and was sort of the "expert"  (her words) for that lesson.  So neat.  Those are exactly the moments that help Andrew redefine himself.  


Andrew has a buddy from church that has moved to his school.  That too, has been so positive for Andrew.  Seeing Ben makes him look forward to school.  He said today, "I'm so glad Ben is in my class."  I really am too.  Sometimes they have too much fun together.  :)  But having this buddy has caused a shift in Andrew's attitude about school and has made it a happier place for him. 

Then, this past Saturday as we were going to his soccer game he told me, "Mama, I really want to make a goal."  This is Andrew's 4th season playing soccer and he has never made a goal.  I said, "Just keep trying buddy."  He went out and actually had an attempt, but the goalie got it. Oh, how I wished it would have gone in!  He came out and said with disappointment, "I even prayed and asked God to help me."  I told him to keep trying, and he went out in the field again...got the ball and my breath just caught as he maneuvered it in front of the goal and it WENT IN.  His little arms shot in the air (right along with mine) with victory and then leaned back and dropped them to his sides in relief as if to say, "Finally!  I did it."

It was fantastic.  I can still see it so clearly in my minds eye..I hope I never forget that victorious moment.

So we are just in a sweet spot right now.  I know we'll have struggles ahead that we'll have to work through.  And we will work through them.  But I'm just so grateful for this space.   No OT.  No BIT meetings.  No 504 plan (we haven't finished it because he's been doing so well he hasn't needed it, so we're just holding off for now).  No weekly emails from his teacher.  No Fox Stops.  Okay, maybe one.  :)  (The day I forgot his meds, actually).  My life last year felt very consumed by these efforts.  I felt like my free time was consumed with advocating, researching, driving to doctor and therapy appointments, or doing OT at home.  But not this year. I've had a peek into a world that some parents experience ~ and battle at a level far worse than what we have ~ on a daily basis with little to no hope for improvement.  And it has given me such deep appreciation for what we have.  Truly, what an incredible blessing.

My boy is flourishing.

Thanks be to God.